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leonkumquat:

when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now

(via pizza)

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  • doctor: sir we asked you to tape your allergic reactions this is just a video of you skateboarding
  • me: tell me thats not sick
  • doctor: haha yeah its pretty fucking sick dude
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